Instruction: how to identify an unhealthy dependence on a partner
Is love a drug or not? Of course, there is something narcotic in it , but still it does not bind to itself so much. On the other hand, if love turns into an addiction, and you are so dependent on a person that you can not spend a second without it, it turns into a problem. And if this state of affairs is permissible in the early stages, then the further your relations develop, the less there must be an obsession in them, which is replaced here by tenderness, mutual respect and domestic romance.
Psychologists say that we really can be obsessed with our partner to the same degree that it happens to drugs, alcohol or food in compulsive eating disorders . And this, logically, affects not only our mental health, but also professional activities and social interactions.
Dr. Femke Buisman-Pijlman, a researcher of addictive behavior from the University of Adelaide, and Dr. Margaret Paul, Ph.D., have compiled a list of signs that make it clear that you are in an unhealthy relationship , of which You need to get out as soon as possible. Ready to test yourself? This list is right in front of you.
You want to be with a person so much that it interferes with your own life. You throw friends and relatives, cancel important meetings and refuse from your favorite activities for the sake of a partner, trying to spend with him the maximum amount of time. “Addiction is not something you like too much, but when you can not stop something that brings you much pleasure, but even more problems,” explains Dr. Mail Buisman-Pilman, the Daily Mail.
You can not control your desire to see a person or talk to him. If you promise not to call your partner before the evening, but can not adhere to the established rules, the situation can get out of control.
You spend all your money on it. Give presents from time to time is very nice, but the dependence is obvious in the event that you continue to buy these gifts, even if they themselves are in debt in debt.
You can not be happy without this person. The time spent with a partner can and should be incredibly happy . But you must be able to have fun even when he is not around. If in your life there are no other people who make you truly happy, it’s very easy to fall into an unhealthy addiction.
You are afraid to spend time without it. The fact that you are embarrassed, anxious or scared when you spend time without a partner, whether it’s a friend’s birthday or a night’s sleep can testify to dependence.
You do not like what you do without a partner. It is important to keep the opportunity to enjoy the time spent with friends or parents, allowing the partner to do the same. If you do not like spending time without a partner or if he does not approve of your independent actions, you are obviously trapped.
You constantly try to attract his attention. If you often argue with him about the little things, this can mean that you desperately need the attention of a partner. Not only does this bring you into a stress state of both of you, it also indicates the unhealthy nature of your relationship.
You feel good only when this person is around. Are you drunk with happiness next to him, but devastated and unhappy when he is far away (even if he just went to the store for bread)? Oh yeah, it’s addiction.
You are trying to calculate how much he loves you. You can be obsessed by carefully studying everything a partner does, from the language of his body and what he says to “likes” and “cheers” on social networks , trying to understand how strong his love for you is.
You always need his approval. You should not get too upset if your partner does not like your new shoes. Because, after all, these are your shoes, not his, and you bought them because you really liked them.
You can not do anything when a partner leaves for work. Except, of course, the opportunity to lie on the bed, to be sad and wait for him to return. The guarantee of healthy relationships is the ability to take responsibility for one’s own happiness. Here we will refer the situation when the partner goes to a meeting with friends , but does not take you with him, because of what you do not stop being upset and angry.
You use sex to make him love you more. If from time to time you force yourself to have sex only so that the partner does not stop loving you, you are obviously dependent. Sex should not be used as a way to buy love. Sex should be something that brings pleasure to both of you.