Fall in love with strangers
“We love those who do not love us, we destroy those who are in love with us …”, wrote Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. And he was right. Sometimes we really like those with whom we can not be together. With whom we want, but we cannot be for one reason or another. Who does not suit us at all? Well, and further down the list. And all this is perceived almost as a disease, from which there is no medicine.
Inaccessible attracts, so, it would seem, the situation is standard. However, people who constantly fall in love with someone inappropriate, periodically think: “What’s wrong with me?”. Calm, just calm. This behavioral pattern, like much more, can be explained by science.
The information gap theory, created by George Loewenstein, an economist by education who has made a significant contribution to psychology, makes it possible to explain, among other things, how “wrong love” arises. The thing may be that when we can not get something, then let’s curiosity completely take possession of us. And then the desire for an object or person turns out to be too strong, so it is simply impossible to explain it rationally.
People, as a rule, are more satisfied with something to which they have long striven for. With love the same story. As Elite Daily writes, our brain allocates much more dopamine when we chase after something that we really want, and the longer this chase, the more “pleasure hormone” we get. That’s why sometimes we like people who do not like us (or like us, but only as friends ).
Another popular reason why we continue to pursue people who are indifferent is self-esteem. Because rejection, in any case, will be a huge blow to our ego, no matter how soft and diplomatic it may be. So when someone tells us “no”, we are ready to do anything to change it to a “yes”, and as soon as possible.
The more inaccessible a person seems, the stronger we want to be with him. A theory that has been tested hundreds of times in practice has a completely scientific explanation. Studies show that people who enjoy great social demand, as a rule, seem to us more valuable (smart, attractive, purposeful – it’s necessary to emphasize). Is this person also busy? Then this value, psychologists say, can be multiplied by two.
The element of the game.
Just like children instantly want to get what they are forbidden to touch their parents, and we are attracted to people we can not get. The reasons can be very different – the stamp in the passport, the polar views on life, the distance of an eternity or the banal lack of sympathy of one of the parties. However, we literally become obsessed with learning that we can not get “this particular person” right now, and therefore we spend a lot of time and energy to please someone. And, quite often in the final game, the winner with horror discovers that the main prize is no longer needed.
In case of love, the situation can develop in two ways: either we get this person, or, which is logical, we do not get. We do not know what the result will be – and this is what attracts us most. According to a study conducted by Gregory Burns (Gregory Burns), the unpredictability of the human brain reacts the same as for pleasure. Will it replace the love bombardment with chocolate? The question is rhetorical (and so far, unfortunately, unexplored).